Dreaming In Books

Adele at Persnickety Snark (Whom I routinely fangirl over because she is awesome and filled with awesome things, plus she is Australian and living in Japan.  That is a combination that wins.  Don't argue with me, because you will lose) has challenged bloggers to write about their review process.

I must take this challenge.  For the children.  And for my sanity.  Because I finished writing an essay last night, and tonight I will probably write the other one.  Which means my mind is NOT in review mode.  Because essays are boring.  They require you to NOT be funny.  Do you know how hard it is to write about To Kill a Mockingbird, which is one of my favorite books of all time, without making a comment like 'Despite Scout's slight obsession with how awesome Atticus is, there is no incest in this book.'  Seriously.  And for another project (which I chose myself because I am masochist like Edward but without the sparkly chest) I am making a book trailer based on The Other Boleyn Girl.  I MOST LIKELY CANNOT MENTION INCEST, SEX, OR OMG PERVERT ALERT PERVERT ALERT KING HENRY THE EIGHTH IS SUCH A PERV.  

As you can see, I need to get out some venting, and thus I will make this post.  It will be long.  Your eyes may rot.  So skim.  Skim like you have never skimmed before!  Unless your eyes are fine.  Then read it as a whole because you love me and enjoy my posts.

Yes you do.  Don't lie.

My review process is pretty straight forward.  I read the book.  Then I wait a few days.  Or a few weeks.  It depends.  Then I write the review.  The correlation between how good the book is and when I write my review depends.  Some books just take me longer  I've had one waiting for two months.  It bugged the heck out of me.  It still does.  It's like a one.  But I just can't write the review.  Part of that is the fact that even after one day after reading, I couldn't remember any of the book.

'Tis quite sad, but that is the life of a reviewer.

Posts go directly to Blogger.  Unless I have internet issues.  Then they go to word, then Blogger.  My non-review posts are all direct to Blogger, because my humor is very on the spot.

Despite this direct affair, I cover a lot of crap with the books.  I usually write my own three paragraphs of summary.  They may or may not sound like the publishers.  This is in no way an attempt to tell the publishers their blurbs sucked (though there may have been one or two times where their blurbs really didn't work with the book, and I called them out on it, but they are not usually meant to be like YOU SUCK).  I just do it to show that I read the book, and that I remember it.  If I cannot remember it...I will use an Amazon summary.  If I cannot remember it, the review will probably not be good.

Then I will go into the characters.  I usually spend two paragraphs on the characters. The main character gets one paragraph, and the others have their own.  If there is a big romance aspect (or if the book IS a romance) then the second paragraph will be long and will deal mostly with the love interest. 

It may or may not involve:  fangirl squeeing, a rant about chest hair (if it's a male), comparisons to other characters (funny or serious), some serious insights, and a random observation about their habits.  This is just how I observe relationships.  Oh, and I will always comment on chemistry.  Because I like to think that the characters are getting their smooch on for a reason. 

The final two paragraphs deal with writing and plotting, because while I focus on those, I think a lot of books are more character trope heavy.  Plotting is also pretty tied in with the characters in my book, and I usually don't have much of an issue with it.  Occasionally I will rant about it if the book really does not do it well.  Or at all.  Like if it's 400 pages about one day of school.  Then there will be trouble.  The final paragraph is usually a quick summary of the review and my main points, along with a comment of wit or snark.  Then I'll do a Cover Comment to show how much I love/hate the cover, and then I end with the Rating and where I got my Copy.  Simple, no?


Negative and positive reviews are also going to be an issue with me.  I am an optimist.

No, not an optometrist.  An OPTIMIST.

I like a lot of books.  A majority of books rock my socks off.  They are like the this amazing THING that I cannot ignore.  Like buttered toast.  Most books just win.

Thus, you will see a lot of reviews.  To compensate for this book optimism, I write detailed reviews that usually talk about everything to prove that I liked it because it was AWESOME and not because I like to suck up and be a brown noser to the publishers.  I'm just an optimist.

However, there will always be those books that I just do not like.  Such as the one I'm avoiding right now.  That will most likely be dealt with this week.  Or Wings.  Oooooh, Wings.  While I respect the work the author puts into writing and editing these books - because there is a lot of time invested in writing a book - I will still call them out if they fail.  As Adele said so gracefully in her post, I will be the one to say 'Get that ugly baby away from me!'  However, I am masochistic and will most likely come back to see future babies of yours of my own accord.  Why?  I do not know.  Maybe I have the hopes that your genes will mess up and give you a pretty baby.  Of course, writing is not synonymous with the baby making process, because writing can easily improve over time.  Genes, however, are pure luck of the draw.

Random off-shot there.

Anyway, I write my reviews.  I am honest in them, and pretty optimistic.  If you don't like them, then that is okay.  I appreciate the lovely comments I get on them, no matter if they are continuous or spastic.  I appreciate them all.  Even those little weirdly spelled ones that may be from a spammer.

I am going to sign off before I start looking like I have a 'thing' for my readers.  So, love to you all.  Hopefully this illuminated some weird part of my psyche you haven't seen yet.  If not, then I must be a lot more one dimensional than I thought.  Toodles.